The unthinkable has happened. It's been almost two years since divorce and J-Fed marked the anniversary of our split by making things official. And not in the way you think... No, he didn't tie the knot with The Other Woman (T.O.W.), but he did settle down -- in his very own home.
That's right. The Fedster is a homeowner. Yes, it took everyone by surprise, everyone but me that is. Why? You may ask... Because I was driving that train before it ever left the station. Before you breathe a collective sigh of frustration, let me explain.
For the last two years, J-Fed has been holed up in an apartment, the very same digs he took up when he left our domicile. When I picked it out, it seemed okay for J-Fed, but that's only because I thought it would be a temporary thing. I believed in my heart we'd reconcile and he'd be back to home sweet home. When I convinced him to move in to the place, I never expected it would become a second home to my two girls.
That said, I had many sleepless nights worrying about our daughters when they were over there, especially the time the two biker broads across the hall were banging each others' heads against the door while my two angels were just feet away. Or the time an unsavory suspect accosted the Fedster and tried to sell him a gift card to Cheesecake Factory likely so the proceeds could fund his drug habit. Hey, if I lived that close to J-Fed, I'd need drugs too. But regardless, it was time for a change.
So when the end of J-Fed's lease was approaching, I sat him down and we had "the talk."
"J-Fed, you're a big boy. I think the time has come," I told him.
"For what?" he asked.
"To buy a house," I said firmly.
"But if I buy a house, how will I pay for go-carts, video poker, fast food, Blockbuster videos and beer?" he exclaimed.