Quit Staring At Your Behind

I hope you don’t mind me getting personal, but I need to talk to you about your behind. I want you to stop focusing on it. And mine for that matter!

Of course I’m talking about your past. What’s behind you. You need to let the past go. You’re never going to be able to move forward in your life, or your relationships if you continually focus on what’s behind you.

One of the greatest annoyances for both men and women in relationships is when their partners “constantly bring up the past.” It’s not a healthy thing to do. There are basically three ways we inappropriately focus on our behinds.

1. Bringing up past events in the current relationship. Chances are, at some point we’re all going to step in it one way or the other in our relationships. The amount we step in varies of course, and with care and communication, we should be able to resolve the situation. So when your partner has made a conscious effort to apologize or modify behavior, there’s simply no need to keep bringing up the issue again and again. Particularly every time you get in an argument. You’ve got to let it go. Unless it’s something that isn’t changing, and comes up over and over again. Then of course you need to resolve it. But do not keep bringing up those past peccadilloes and using them to make a point.

2. Comparing the current relationship to one in the past. We all want to feel we’re the center of our partner’s attention. That no one else matters, and sometimes, nothing else matters. But every time you bring up a previous relationship, you’re bringing a third person into the mix. It doesn’t matter if the comparison is positive or negative. Your partner doesn’t want to hear it. If there’s something that was better in the previous relationship, you need to speak with your partner now about what you want changed. That’s the issue, not that it was “better before.”  And if you have negative memories or anger about a past relationship, work through it internally, or with a friend. Not your partner. She’ll wonder why you still “care.”

3. Dwelling over past decisions or events that got you where you are today. This is perhaps the hardest to avoid. It’s called “regret.” The older we get, the more mistakes we accumulate, and therefore, the more regret. As we have less time ahead, we focus more on the time behind. But it’s a huge time waster. It sucks the energy out of you and takes time away from the work you need to do to move forward. You’re never ever going to change the past! Get over it! But you have lots of power to change the future and give yourself the “present” you’ve always wanted.

So have I made myself clear? My friends, the only behind you should be focusing on is the curvy variety – whether it’s making your own a bit more perky, or watching someone else’s.