In 1990 I had been divorced for one year and met a man (Keith) that I grew to love. We spent the next 4.5 years on again, off again. I was young and had newfound freedom and was looking for male attention to make me feel like I was worth something. He had been through two marriages of his own and was generally distrustful of women.
He bugged my phone, he spied on me, he showed up at my place of employment and threatened my co-workers. In the state of mind I was in at that time, our sicknesses seemed to feed off of one another. He hid a lot of things. I don't think he outright lied but he omitted things he didn't want me to know about.
In the end we parted ways and shortly after I met a man who didn't ask me to change any thing about myself. He loved me and that made me want to change, his love made me want to be a better person, I wanted to see things more clearly and love myself without seeking someone else's approval. We had a son, were married, and would be married today if he hadn't died of cancer in 2003.
Things were not always easy with my husband, we didn't always agree, but we were both committed to each other. Shortly after my husband died, Keith came back into my life and we started dating. He asked me to marry him and I said yes and have been waiting since 2004. He has his own address and has to go to his home everyday to check his mail and such, but he stays here with me at night. He has a toothbrush here and some clean clothes, but he does his own laundry at his house. He cuts my grass for me and is very helpful when something tears up or breaks down. I
love him and I believe that he tries to be a good man, I also think that he genuinely loves me. My problem is that he has admitted that he doesn't really want to get married, that he is afraid, that he wants us to be happy and is afraid that we won't be. Now I feel like I am in a no-win situation. I
