Sh*ts & Giggles

If you're eating right now, you may want to stop. This one ain't pretty.

I'm sitting in a giant sewer right now... at least it smells like one. I'm trying to go through it all in my head and see how I got to the point where my house smells like a toilet that's gone unflushed for a week. And it all goes back to J-Fed. And not just because he's a royal sh*thead.

Let me preface this story by saying that by Sunday morning I had given both dogs a bath -- the puppy and my 95-pound Big Boy. I had mopped the tile floor throughout the house. My efforts paid off as my house smelled like the cleaning product aisle of the grocery store. I was in 7th heaven in my Pine Sol palace.

It's less than 24 hours later and my entire house smells God awful... and it's only 8 a.m. How is that possible? With J-Fed in your life, anything is possible. I should've known that when J-Fed does me a favor, it's me who always pays in the end.

Because he's been working round the clock lately, the onus of taking care of the kids full-time has been on me. I'm fine with that -- they're my kids and there's little I'd rather do. That said, I could use a break every now and then -- the gym, the grocery store, the mall. Anything. And I feel guilty asking my mom because she's been lending a hand in the 24/7 caretaking with me and try and lay off her load on the weekends, which leaves me, myself and I. 

So to be Mr. Nice Guy, J-Fed offered to take the puppy since it was a school night and we like to keep the kids in a routine, that routine being that they stay here.

Last night, he's all smiley and picks up the pup. Now, this dog has tested the limits of my sanity. He pees and poops everywhere. He barks. He whines. He jumps on the kids. He eats the trash. While I love him, it was the biggest mistake I've ever made and there's not a day that goes by that I don't realize it.