So You You Blew It

Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone! It’s just part of life. In fact, at the risk of being too morbid, I can quite confidently say the only people who don’t mistakes are dead ones.

So if you’re alive (and I know you are, because you’re reading this), you have already made a mistake, or you’re on the verge of making one. I don’t know what it is, but I know it’s out there, looming in your future. And chances are, one or more of the mistakes looming out there (or hanging over you right now), bears an amazing resemblance to your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. Am I right, or am I right?

Yep, you made a mistake. Despite all the red flags, warnings and bad gut feelings, you decided to trust the wrong person. Or love the wrong person. Or marry the wrong person. Or have a baby with the wrong person. You blew it.

So NOW what do you do? How are you gonna get out of this one? Well, in the midst of your angst, there is good news. There is ALWAYS a way forward. You may not like it. It may not be easy. But there is always a way to correct mistakes.  Even in relationships.

To help you on your way, I have devised this handy guide for correcting relationship mistakes.

1. First of all, admit you made a mistake. Making a mistake is not such a bad thing. But failing to recognize it IS. We learn through mistakes. They may be harsh teachers, but sometimes they are the only lessons we remember.  However, you will never learn from a mistake if you don’t recognize it and acknowledge you made it in the first place. Take responsibility for your actions. Admit you made a boo-boo. Make sure you understand completely (and I do mean completely) how and why you got yourself into this situation in the first place. What signs did you ignore? What dreams did you mistake for reality? What habits do you need to change? Write it all down and study it carefully. You will need this information the next time around.

2. Now immediately forgive yourself. This is critical. You will be unable to move forward if you do not let go of the past. Stop beating yourself up. You did it. It’s over. Now do everything in your power to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

3. Speak up. So you realize you’re with the wrong person, or they’re not treating you right. SAY something. You are not powerless in a relationship. You always have the power to say, “this is not working for me.” You have the power to get help. You cannot change how people react to you, but you CAN change how you react to them. Staying silent will not fix a mistake. It creates a new one. But speaking up and demanding action may provide a solution.

4. Accept change. If you made a relationship mistake, things will have to change. But my gawd, don’t you want them to? Things suck right now! Why are you afraid of leaving that? If you say there are too many things you cannot give up, then perhaps it wasn’t a mistake after all. If you can’t give up the life you have now, that is YOUR choice. And you will have to live with the consequences, good and bad.

5. Make a decision. The only bad decision is no decision. You may make a decision to do nothing about the situation (see above), but that is still a decision. Mistakes generally don’t simply go away, like pimples. They continue to grow and affect the future. Every minute you spend doing nothing after making a mistake makes the mistake even bigger. Once that minute is passed, it’s gone forever. That’s your life ticking away. Your whole life does not need to be a mistake. Do something about it. Do not pay for your mistake with your life.

Making a mistake is easy. If it weren’t so easy, we wouldn’t do it so often. Whims, passions, fantasies, insecurities, piña coladas…all make mistakes happen. It may seem unfair that fixing them is so difficult. But it is. That’s just the way it goes. The only way to make it easier is never make a mistake in the first place. But that’s difficult. In life, you will make mistakes. Don’t make the mistake of not fixing them.