Strong women/Weenie men

When I was in my teens in the 70’s, “Women’s Lib” was in full swing. We were supposed to have it all. We even had our own brand of cigarette, and a perfume named “Charlie.” Why, if that doesn’t prove liberation, what does?

And although you can massage statistics any way you want to prove women are or are not achieving equality with men in various venues, I would be more inclined to say that all things are never equal to begin with. When you’re talking men and women, you’re by default comparing apples and oranges, or hotdogs and hamburgers. We’re just different and we often tend to choose partners specifically because they ARE different.

Now, in this age of so-called equality, more and more women are completely independent economically. We don’t need a man to take care of us financially. We don’t need a man to procreate (either because we’ve decided not to or have purchased sperm-cicles from the freezer case). And we certainly don’t have to be married to have good sex (in fact many might argue that being unmarried is the only way you CAN have good sex).

So here’s the problem though. That means you’re free to choose from a much wider selection of men. If you spend your whole life being responsible, and career-oriented, and fiscally sound, it’s not surprising that the guys who look the most appealing are the rakishly attractive irresponsible screw-ups.

I was discussing this with a friend of mine the other day (and WHY I thought that third glass of wine was a good idea, I will never understand. ANYway…). She is uber-responsible and focused, and so naturally, who is her love object? A bartender of course!

She’s been seeing him on and off (no pun intended, honestly) for the last few years. When they first met, she was smitten by his relaxed attitude to life, his spontaneity (his biceps), his low stress level (and his butt). It was fabulous. A perfect antidote to her Monday through Friday 9 to 5.

But as the months and years progressed, in the cold light of day, those carefree qualities morphed into irresponsibility, lack of planning and immaturity. Oops. It’s not really his fault. That’s what he always was – she just didn’t see it that way.

And how could she? From the very beginning what she found most appealing was the fact that he viewed the world differently.

Gals, we do it to ourselves all the time! If it’s not that we’re looking for something different, we’re looking for something to fix. Who says men are the only ones who relish a good DIY project? We certainly do! We even MARRY them.

So often I talk to very strong women who wake up one day and find themselves stuck to a weenie. The problem is that’s what we signed up for to begin with. We just didn’t see it that way.
We often fall in love with one aspect of a person’s character and project it onto their whole being. “Oh he’s so laid-back. Never seems to have a care in the world. When I’m with him, every day is a holiday.”

And then you think, “Being with him will be great. We’ll always be relaxed and never fight.”

Until you move in together. And find out for him procrastination isn’t just a noun, but an art. That piles of dirty socks are a decorative accent. Or because you’re working, his job is purely optional.

If you are a strong, independent woman, you don’t need someone to take care of you – but you certainly need someone who can actually take care of himself. The trick is finding the man who is strong WITHIN. Who has enough confidence in himself to stand with you, appreciate and accept your strength and independence, and allow it to flourish.

And if he doesn’t, you need to have the strength to get this weenie off his buns and out of your life.