Term's Up

Part 1. You know, I hate it when people are two faced. The Pres has been way too nice lately, now that we don't live under the same roof. It was only six months ago that she was wagging her finger in my face and yelling "I f#cking hate you!" in front of our kids. She told me to leave her house. She went into the garage and started kicking my new car. She thought I was some kind of momma's boy, and my mother was somehow the anti-christ.

All this fighting and spewing hate, and six months later it's like she wants to be friends. I'm not professing that I'm not happier since she stopped screaming at me in an incoherent rage, but I honestly don't know if I care for this friendly stuff. You see, what I do believe in is honesty, and the honest truth is that we're not friends. We're not going to be friends anytime soon.

Maybe she forgot about all the stuff she felt when we were together, but I think it's more likely that she is faking it. Don't count on The Blue Jeans Guy to play along. I don't want to instigate any trouble, but I'm not coming over for dinner, or pretending like nothing happened. Don't buy me a Christmas present or a birthday present, because that's just stupid. I don't buy gifts for people I am no longer friends with, so don't insult my intelligence.

That's right, I believe in honesty, and the honest truth is, Madam Pres, that your term has expired. Your commands and demands no longer carry any authority. And your rage, if you have any left, is impotent. So just do me one favor, don't try to B.S. me with this phony nice ex-wife crap, I know who you really are.

Part two. Funny how before I could finish this little rant the Pres caught on to the fact that I have started dating someone new, someone special, someone I've been spending a lot of time with. Yeah, the Pres caught on, and just like that, the good feelings are gone. In her very presidential way, she projected her concerns about my new love life on to our kids.