That’s a Negative, Ghostrider

“Not Pregnant”!  When I read those words in the window as I snuggled in bed with BF, I was all at once relieved, disappointed, and pissed off.  Here I was out of pregnancy tests and I had a 50-50 chance of being knocked up and now I’m late for work.

I leave for the day and proceed to have the longest day at work EVER.  I check the test’s website and see that it is “99% accurate”.  So much for that!  I call my GYN (who no longer happens to be an OB, I now find out.).  The receptionist says that the test is a reliable brand, and the positive result probably stands because it was taken with the first morning urine.  In any event, the doctor will see me today.

I arrive at the doctor and am called to the back.  I sit in a chair much like the chairs we used to have in my high school cafeteria, I notice.  I guess they’re back in fashion.  She brings me out of my cloud of reminiscence with “So.  What makes you think you’re pregnant?”.  Yes, she’s actually talking to me. 

“Because I peed on a stick and it said I was.”

She then begins to—condescendingly I might add—say to me that she curses the day they made home pregnancy tests, and how women aren’t sure when to use them (???), and how women are never sure of the results (???). 

So now I go in the bathroom and pee in the cup.  She’s outside the door and hollers “I don’t need the whole thing full, just about a quarter of the way!”  Well now that’s settled.  I hate peeing in a cup.  I’m always scared that I’m going to pee down the side of the cup on accident, or that I’ll have a weird color that’s going to freak out the person receiving the specimen.