The completely under-rated pleasures of independence

Most people who are not in relationships envy those who are. Often, when I tell single women about my relationship, they say, “Gee, that’s what I want. You’re so lucky.”

And yes, I am.  But I have to confess, there are moments here and there when I really envy THEM.

Some of the greatest moments of contentment in my life occurred when I was completely on my own. When the only one I had to answer to, no matter what I chose to do, was me.

When I didn’t need to think about what someone else wanted to eat for dinner, or wanted to watch on TV, or didn’t need to ignore the pile of mail, odd slips of paper, lottery tickets, miscellaneous change mixed in with the occasional wing nut or washer slowly accumulating on the counter top.

None of these things are deal breakers of course, but I must say I used to take inestimable pleasure in Friday nights long ago when I could come home from work, have my customary dinner of a glass of (quite decent $15-$20) wine and several olives, pop in a DVD of some chick-flick and then promptly fall asleep in on the sofa.

I loved being able to make every decorating decision, or vacation decision or major purchase completely based on my own desire. I could keep the bathroom chrome spotless for days on end – or not. But it was my doing either way.

But now, in a relationship, I have to make compromises – big or small, that’s just the way it is in a relationship. But the reason it’s palatable (or should be) is the trade-off of being with someone who enriches your life in other ways. Still, however you look at it, it IS a trade-off (and as I always say, everything in life is). I’ve had to give up certain things.

So I address this (primarily) to all you independent, self-sufficient, got-it-going-on single grrrrrrls out there. You may not realize how good you’ve got it!

You are completely the captains of your own ships. No one is telling you what to do, or “guilting” you into doing something, or making extra work for you. You don’t need to share your hard-earned cash with anyone. The only bad habits you have to deal with are your own.

Isn’t that wonderful? I think I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating. Being “alone” is very different than being “by yourself.” You can be very alone in a relationship. You can be very alone in a crowd of strangers. But being “by yourself” is something very different indeed.

Think of it as a byline for the book of your life. Who is the author of your days? You! You’ve achieved all of this “by yourself.” I hate the term “empowering,” but what the heck, just this once…

And here’s another thing. Once you prove to yourself that you can indeed not only survive, but thrive on your own, you will be a whole lot pickier about for whom you decide to trade off some of your independence.

If you think you need someone to lean on to make it, you may be more inclined to pick a bit more hastily – and trade off a bit more. But when you know you don’t really need it, you can afford to choose more carefully – and make sure what you’re giving up is comfortably met or exceeded by what you get back.

Your independence is a VERY valuable thing! It’s your freedom to choose and live as you wish. I don’t understand why so many women are in such hurry to give it up. Take some time to appreciate the independence and autonomy you have now. Then, when you choose to give it up for someone else, at the very least, you will fully understand the value of what you’re leaving behind.