The Lion Sleeps Tonight

This week... Dogs and husbands gone bad.

When it rains, it pours. And this week feels like I'm up to my eyes in none other than dog piss. Stinkin'. Smelly. Piss. Now don’t get me wrong, I have two very well behaved dogs. They could teach their master a thing or two. However, dog #1 recently came down with a bout of inflammation and had to be placed on antibiotics. Anyone who’s ever put their dog on antibiotics might notice a much unwanted side effect –- incontinence.

I struggle not to get angry with my big boy. But when he’s unleashing the mother load of dog pee all over my freshly mopped floors, it’s difficult. Just imagine how much urine a 90-pound male dog can let loose. It ain’t pretty.

Unfortunately for J-Fed, I draw the line at cleaning up ponds of pup piss, especially when I’m the only one tending to diaper duty at all hours of the night. I have no problem letting him sleep through feedings and changings, but the last thing I’m handling is dog duty at 4 a.m.

Back to the point. Near the crack of dawn, I hear our 5-year-old daughter wailing from the hallway. I scramble out of bed, only to find her standing in wet underwear, holding her nose and sobbing.

“Big boy peed all over my floor and I slipped in it and hit my nose,” she wailed.

Cut to J-Fed sleeping soundly.

In his defense, J-Fed suffers severe insomnia and must take medication to rest soundly through the night. A freight train could hit the house and he probably would remain entrenched in a restful slumber and wake up the next morning wondering what happened. Needless to say, it’s extremely hard to rouse him.

But I refuse to let that stop me. After seeing big boy’s bad accident all over the wooden laminate floor, I walk right back to our bedroom. I don’t pass go. I don’t collect $200. I turn on the light and shake J-Fed. Through blurry eyes, he attempts to focus. My nearly hysterical cries are enough to get him out of the bed.