The Separation Diet: Fast, Fast Results!

My husband's gone now. And I don't mean he's buried under the foundation of the house.  I can't write about how he left. But I will...and soon.

But I can tell you that being on my own again after 15 years of marriage was a revelation.  I felt as if I were starring in a bad, Lifetime Channel, Made-For-TV movie. All I needed was for a serial killer to stalk me and I would have been set.

It's been exhausting trying to run my marketing business and be a single mom. And on top of that, I'm now managing the remodel all by myself. (Thanks asshole!) Due to all the stress I lost 10 pounds. Who knew divorce had such perks? Everyone in Los Angeles thought I looked fabulous!

“Did you go on a diet?” My friends wondered, eyes wide, panting, all excited. And I’d say “Why yes, it’s called the Separation Diet.”

“What do you have to do?” they’d ask, wondering if they'd have to separate the fruits from the vegetables and the starches from the meat. And I’d say, “It’s really easy. You just have to hear your husband say, ‘I don’t love you anymore’, you lose your appetite and the pounds just melt away.” One woman actually said, “Wow, that does sound easy.”

The house is so much quieter – like a mausoleum - and I don’t think it's totally due to the new, double-paned glass windows. In the last year of our marriage, three TVs were often going at once. Now, mostly it’s just the sound of my fingers typing on the laptop keyboard.

I also crave hugs. I could care less about kissing or having sex. I just want to be squeezed till I squeak or rocked to sleep in someone’s arms. If you know someone who’s getting a divorce, you must remember to hug them a lot.