The Sex Thing Again

I had an “a-HA” moment the other day in bed.  It was a routine evening. We’d turned off the lights. I turned to my sweetie and gave him kiss, and then I turned around into the spoon position with my back to him – the universal position for “sweet dreams, you’re not getting any tonight.”

Now the thing is, it didn’t have anything to do with him at all. It’s just that I wasn’t feeling it that night and wanted to go to sleep.

And here was my “a-HA” moment. I never for one second thought how that would make HIM feel. Maybe he thinks I’m no longer attracted to him. Maybe he thinks I no longer love him. Maybe he thinks I think he’s a crappy lover.

Of course none of that is true. But my actions could suggest otherwise.

We women are so self-absorbed that we never stop to think what THEY might think.  When we have our “fat days” or our “ugly days” we couldn’t really care less what they want. It’s all about US. And how we’re feeling like crap, and want to be left alone.

We assume men: a. don’t really have feelings (in the same way we do), b. pretty much want sex every single day, if not intra-day and c. should be able to understand our needs/moods telepathically anyway.

Stop for a second and think about the things we girls want regularly from our men. We want them to tell us we look attractive. We want them to demonstrate how they can’t resist our general hotness.

But we rarely do the same for them! We’re so caught up in our own worries and so sure that they don’t care, we never stop to think that maybe they DO.

The thing is, if your man truly is an unfeeling, sex-obessessed lump of cheese, what the heck are you doing with him? (If you’re nodding your head right now because you ARE wondering why, then you have a different issue to deal with).

But let’s assume he isn’t a troglodyte. In which case he DOES have feelings – and even if he’s not the best at articulating them, he’s got them nonetheless. I don’t think men process things in the same way we do. If something hurts us, we’ll go over and over the probable cause and effect until we could do a 15-slide Powerpoint presentation on it. But guys just go, “ooh that hurts.”

And then eventually, if the pain grows, it will manifest itself in some way or another like an extra beer during a weeknight or an unnecessary tool purchase or something. The guy won’t ever really figure out why he’s bothered, just that he is.

But that’s not really my point at the moment. My point is that maybe we girls need to get over ourselves a little bit. Maybe we need to stop for a second and put ourselves into his Skechers for a minute or too.

I know our men like it when other women find them attractive. What makes us think for two seconds they won’t care if WE don’t? And the older men get, believe me, the more important it is for them to feel they’ve still got it. If you want to hear it, trust me, most of them do too.

Of course you’re going to have off days. And fat days. And bad hair days. Maybe even more than your fair share. There will always be days when all you feel like doing is turning over and going to sleep, thank you very much. And on those days, there may be absolutely nothing on earth he can do to make you feel any differently.

Just make certain he knows it’s not all his fault. (Unless it is).

Having a bad hair day of your own? Send me an email. And for more wit and wisdom, check out my book, “Do I Need To Slap You?”