There's A Sucker Born Every Minute

Hi, I’d like to introduce myself again. I’m Kiki, and I’m a big fat idiot.

I’m the girl who doesn’t just buy one plot of swampland; I buy the entire swamp. You know those pens that shock you? I don’t use it just once, I fall for the trick repeatedly, despite the fact I know what the pen looks and am well aware of what it does.

But as the saying goes, you can only kick a dog so many times before it finally bites you. And this time my fangs are out. I guess I was going soft for awhile there. J-Fed had been so good lately. There was the family vacation, and then of course, the trip to London where he called me around the clock.

Shoot, he even called me at 12:45 a.m. and sent me a text message saying he had arrived back home safely. I was flattered at his renewed interest in speaking with me. But that all changed about 5 p.m. tonight. I don’t know what transpired but I smelled something fishy and it was coming from that stupid troll’s direction.

The first part of the day, he called no less than six times. He was a regular chatty Kathy. But things began to go amiss early on. You see, J-Fed had informed me that while overseas he had picked me up a stunning bracelet. The thoughtfulness of the gesture warmed my heart, which in a temporary fit of insanity I had reopened to that loser.

But then the winds began to change. First, he pointed out that he’d blown a fat wad on the bracelet. He actually told me to get out my checkbook. For what, I asked. To pay me for the bracelet, he said matter-of-factly. I explained to him that there was a better chance of hell freezing over than me paying for another “gift” from him.

A few minutes later he called back to inform me that he’d been joking. Truth be told, I’m not so sure he was. There were a couple more random phone calls where he boasted about the wonderful gifts he had picked up for daughters while he was over in London. Once again, I found the notions very thoughtful.