There's No 'Us' In Sight

Look high. Look low. But don't be surprised. If you're married to a Crazy-Maker, in your marriage there's no 'Us' in sight!

For many wives, it's the most maddening aspect of life with The Crazy-Making Husband. Why no 'Us' in The Crazy-Maker's lexicon? He is simply unable -- and unwilling -- to view your marital relationship as anything but a power struggle. In his head, marriage = Him v. You. In every situation, he either wins, or he loses. Period.

And wife, beware: The Crazy-Making Husband does not tolerate losses.

Nor does he ever forget them.

The reasons are many, and the pathways various, yet invariably, The Crazy-Making Husband's quest for marital power stems from the fact that, in your relationship, he feels powerless. So, winning in everyday interactions with you is vitally important.

Pause a moment, inspect his psyche. You'll see that it's downright dangerous for The Crazy-Making Husband to employ any frame but 'I v. You'. Shifting to 'Us' would not only intensify his sense of powerlessness, it would rock his foundation: he's built his life so that the Universe revolves around him alone.

There's more. A shift in his primary allegiance from his Royal Self to 'the greater good of you both' means adding to your wellbeing. Which isn't going to happen. In your marriage, in his head, his competitive posture is heavily laced with envy. Envy, you wonder? Yes. He may not show he notices things, but he does. He notices your hopes. Your vision. Your interests, and engagements. Your close friendships. Your achievements.

He especially notices when you're happy. Enthused. Excited.

Trapped in the deadness of his impoverished inner life, he just can't stand to see you happy.  Your happiness is a 'win' for you. Meaning: a loss for him.