They're Playing Our Song

So last night I was doing something I rarely do… and I’m not talking about shaving my legs. I’ve got that scheduled for next month. I was watching television. This is something I try not to do often, as it reminds me of J-Fed. OK, so does eating, sleeping and breathing, but I refuse to give up those things for obvious reasons.

Anyway, I find television to be counterproductive, especially when I can be spending my time on much more important things, like openly bashing J-Fed. Well, I decided to take a night off and focus on the boob tube instead of the boob. I was flicking through the channels when I stumbled upon The New Adventures of Old Christine. A couple months back, my mother Kuku had commented about how the show reminded her of J-Fed and I. I couldn’t imagine… until about five minutes into the show when I saw it with my own eyes.

Christine was standing in her kitchen when her ex-husband strolled through her door with his new girlfriend. He asked her to borrow the luggage and she pointed out that it had been three years since their divorce and that he should get his own luggage. Suddenly, it was sounding all too familiar. Now, it’s only been about four months since J-Fed and I split, yet he was still borrowing DVD players, towels, toilet paper and whatever else he could get his grubby little hands on. I guess in theory, it’s his belief that our possessions our still communal property even post break-up.

As I listened to the exchange unfold between the two of them, I felt so violated and so dirty. Oh. My. God. They stole my life, I thought to myself. Then it occurred to me that maybe J-Fed wasn’t so special after all; maybe there was actually more than one J-Fed in this world. Maybe he had been cloned!!! I tried to shake off the initial shock upon knowing that there was a possibility I might no longer be alone. Feeling somewhat relieved, I hung onto their every word.