Three months ago (god it feels like soooo much longer than that), my husband came to me and told me that he wanted a divorce. He just wasn't sure if he loved me. This threw a wrench in what was supposed to be our best year ever... his college graduation, making eternal marriage vows (part of our religion and something I waited several years to do), building our first home.
He put me through hell and back for the first month, then even worse the second month.... Then, boom! Like a flash of lightning, it hit him, two days after we had finally decided "for sure" to divorce, suddenly he knew that he really loved me and couldn't live without me. January 1, 2008 he wanted to start the new year with a bang, let's be together forever. How fucking romantic.
Ironically, I came to find out later in the month (technically less then 24 hours later) that he was really just scared of losing me and not as "sure" as he had said. He still couldn't keep his commitments for the life of him…With as high of an IQ as I have, sometimes I am amazed at what an idiot I can be! Anyhow, we closed on the new house and have been living here for a couple weeks now.
Here is the major problem.. I think I am becoming him! I am distant, bitchy, impatient, uncaring. No matter how hard I try, I just cant put up with his annoying, non-helpful, self -entered crap anymore! He keeps saying that he wants the old me back. Well, no shit! What man wouldn't want the old me back, the one who picks up after everything, lets him get away with murder, gives him way too much attention (getting none in return) and still loves him and gives him sex anytime he wants!
I am just not sure that I love this man anymore. He doesn't like me, and I don't like him. We can barely have a three-minute conversation without someone being sarcastic, mean or hurtful. But instead of the old me, who would apologize first or at least accept his apology quickly, I am a total bitch! I ignore him the whole night, shut him down when he tries to apologize, walk past him without a glance, make mean comments, use language that I haven't used since I was a teenager (gave it up to set a good example for my kids).