This Is Just A Test

You better watch out. You better not pout. You better not cry I’m telling you why. J-Fed is coming to town.

You read it right. The Fedster is going to be putting in an appearance… or so we think.

The plane ticket is booked. The bags are packed. Stop me if you heard this one before. Oh you have… That’s because it always goes down as he’s planned. We set up a family vacation and he bows out ungracefully the night before, each and every time. So why should this time be any different, I think to myself. If I had to wager on whether or not, he’ll actually make it here, it would be against all odds.

Something will come up. He’ll say it’s work, and more than likely it will be play. Actually, he won’t need to give an excuse because the reason will simply be that he won’t come because he doesn’t want to come. His plane departs in less than 24 hours. What elaborate explanation can he come up with between now and then?

The kids are sick? Nope, they’re up here. The dogs aren’t feeling well. Nope, I have a housesitter watching the dogs. Work. Nope, he’s his own boss. His goldfish died. Nope, he doesn’t have one. He can’t find anyone to water his cactus plant. Quite possible. Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I could only hope. There are a thousand inexcusable excuses J-Fed can concoct for not arriving as planned. We’ll just have to wait and see how creative he can get this time around.

Since J-Fed and I had children, he’s never come on one family vacation. Strike that. He did go to Disney World for one whole day about three years ago. The heat and the crowds were so unbearable I thought for a moment he might go goofy on Mickey and Minnie. In fact, for most of the trip he was either dopey, grumpy, sleepy or just downright annoying.

But for every other trip he’s been noticeably absent. I never could wrap my head around why he didn’t partake in these family activities. However, I now know it’s because he didn’t care to be around me for any long duration of time – which is quite ironic when you consider the fact that we were married and lived together.

In true J-Fed fashion, he’s decided that now is the ideal time to make amends for the kids’ sake. I’m not holding out hope, especially since I don’t care one way or another for my sake. However, I know that my daughters would be in hog heaven if the big pig does decide to show up. And for that very reason, I’m keeping my fingers crossed. We’ve only been out of town 10 days, and not an hour passes where our 5-year-old doesn’t sigh and wish that daddy was here to do this stuff.

Of course, I’ve kept jerk off’s visit a surprise in the highly likely event he doesn’t show up. The last thing I want to see is 5-year-old absolutely heartbroken. And I’m giving J-Fed the benefit of the doubt that he feels the same way. So if the dunce has any semblance of a soul, he’ll get on the big bird and show up at the airport as planned.

If not, he won’t be seeing his daughters for another three weeks, which is something that he’ll have to live with, not me. I will say that I’ve been practicing plenty of self control for when he arrives. I’m not going to nag. I’m not going to snoop. I’m not going to become angry when he calls the various members of his harem. And I refuse to play into his little games of jealousy any longer.

It will be important for me to remember that he’s no longer my husband; he’s their father. I will treat him with respect and keep the conversation casual. I will make every effort to be civil and try to block out the fact that it’s only now that we’re no longer together that he’ll actually partake in memorable family activities.

Every time I think of pushing him out of the car as we travel at a high rate of speed, I’ll remind myself of how happy daughter will be when they’re hiking, whitewater rafting and spending quality time together. If, and that’s a big IF, he shows up.

Only time will tell and it’s quickly running out.