J-Fed’s cross to bear was that he was constantly surrounded by women. In fact, the only men in his life were the Hounds of Basketcaseville and it was obvious how much loyalty he had shown them. (See
The Mystery of the Mistaken Piss for more details)
Nothing infuriated me more than his relationships with the “girls next door.” Or maybe it was “the girls” in general. It seemed every time I turned around he was on the phone with one of the girls. Or text messaging one of the girls. Or hanging out with one of the girls. Now, I’m all for platonic relationships. However, it would have been nice if he extended the same sincerities to me that he did to all the other women in his life.
The truth was J-Fed was a sucker for an underdog, and he felt it was his duty to rescue the damsel in distress… all of them. You see making women feel good made J-Fed feel good. It was a vicious circle.
Regardless of which one of the many gals he was socializing with, he was always oozing niceties while I was left with iceties. I guess it was the way he always answered the phone “hello beautiful” that nauseated me the most. And that syrupy sweet voice used. He even espoused the magical words to me, as if I were just another number.
Yet, my annoyance went deeper than that.
“The girls are going karaokeing tonight, and they’re just dying for me to hear this one song,” he’d tell me before zipping out the door.
Gag…What next? Scrapbooking classes on Saturdays.
Now, it was nothing personal. The names and faces didn’t matter; it was simply the fact that he was constantly putting them up and me down. Their personal struggles were far more important than mine. In his little mind, they deserved empathy while I deserved, well, what I got. He’d made it perfectly clear over and over. Why did he feel this way? I guess because they spoke in positives and I spoke in nag, a language J-Fed preferred not to comprehend.
They were all like kindred souls. While they complained about their significant others, he probably whined about Kiki The Crazy Control Freak. Would I have been so angry if he were slinging the insults with the boys in a locker room? I’ll probably never know. Because you wouldn’t find J-Fed on an athletic field… or at a football game..
But there was a likelihood you would find him hanging out with the girls. It wouldn’t be long before I found them all standing around in “Team J-Fed” shirts, holding hands and singing Kum Ba Ya, the karaoke version of course.