To Soccer Mom: Si si to C.
Do I Need To Slap You?
Ok. I’ll gladly accept my role as resident P.I.T.A. (and that has nothing to do with hummus or tahini). I like picking at scabs. I like getting you to think from a different point of view. Or not. Justice and Truth, I hear you. I know I don’t see the whole picture.
Be that as it may, my dear Soccer Mom, I have a message for you.
Your boy C. is right. You must let go!! You will never be able to go forward if you are always looking back. You cannot drive your car if you only stare in the rear-view mirror.
Your C. deserves more (I think) then mopping up after your past. If you’re moving ahead enough to be with someone new, you’re moving ahead enough to stop stomping on the ash hole that once was.
It makes me think of elephants. They say an elephant never forgets, but I wonder if it ever forgives? I don’t think so.
And you know what? I’m with the elephants. I don’t think you should ever forget. You cannot learn if you never remember.
You need to remember. You need to remember things aren’t always what they seem and there are no guarantees. You need to remember if things seem too good to be true, they generally are.
To move on, it is not necessary to forget. In fact, I don’t recommend it at all– unless you’re happy to go through the same experience again and again. You must NOT forget, if you want to learn from experience.
But that doesn’t mean you should think about it over and over again, and beat yourself up until there’s nothing left of you but a squishy blob of regret and heartache.
To truly move ahead, you must forgive. Not because the other person deserves it, but because YOU do.
In “The Four Agreements,” Don Miguel Ruiz says sometimes the offending party doesn’t really deserve forgiveness. But YOU certainly do.
You deserve to be free of the sadness and anger and hurt. You deserve to move ahead, learn from your mistakes and seek new happiness. A better happiness, based on honesty and reality.
Will you ever be the same again? No. Will your ex be? No. Will your new relationship be? No. Would you want it to be? HECK no!
You don’t want to go back to the way it was. The way it was got you into the mess you’re in! You need to go forward to the way it SHOULD be. And that is why you must forgive – so you can move forward.
Let it go. It happened. Get over it. If you don’t get over it, you are allowing the “villain” to hurt you over and over again. You give that person far greater power than they ever had to begin with! They may have hurt you in the past, but why should you let that same event hurt you again and again in the future?
You must move on. You must also bear in mind that nothing will ever be the same. You will never be the same. Your next relationship will never be the same. But read my lips (er, my words): You don’t want it to be.
You don’t want the same old relationship, with the same old hurt and lies. You want the new and improved, non-stick, fresher-smelling model.
Ler it go honey! I know it’s not easy. It takes time. But the sooner you can let the anger go, the sooner you can move forward to shiny, bouncy, no-frizz happiness. Don’t let him steal another moment of your life!
For today, no slaps are distributed. Your C. certainly doesn’t deserve one, and I’ll hold off awarding one to you if can work on dropping that anger.
Anyone need to let off some steam? Email me.
