Too Late

So Prince Charming is back from his work trip. Did I miss him? Only once. When I went to Wal-Mart and realized I had to unload the shopping cart, reload it, and put the bags in the car by myself.

That’s the truth. At no other time in the last month did I think “Man, I wish P.C. was here right now.” Sad- maybe. True- absolutely. It might be hard to believe, but I didn’t miss him in the slightest. I didn’t miss someone sleeping next to me at night. I didn’t miss holding hands, kissing, nothing. I worked, I did my school work, I shopped, I spent time with my friends. I was very happy and fulfilled. I was never lonely, sad, or depressed. Not even a little. 

While I am feeling all of this, P.C. has decided to change. That was what he told me the second he walked through the door. He said that he had a lot of time to think in the last month and realized that if he didn’t change then he was going to lose me, and he didn’t want that.

He really has been nice too. He has been home 5 days now, and has been the best guy ever. However, I am not falling for it. I keep waiting for the actor to go away and the real guy to come out. That is what always happens. He changes for a few days or weeks, and then just goes right back to his old self. That is what I am waiting for. That is why I am still planning my leave, and still saving my money. 

Maybe I should be more positive. Maybe I should be hopeful that this time could be different. Maybe this time he will really change and we could live happily ever after. No, sorry not going to happen.

I have done that too many times. Too many times he hurt me and I put up a wall, only to let him tear it back down later, and let him in when he was being nice again. I won’t do that again. I can’t. I feel like even if I wanted to, my emotions won’t let me. Before I still loved him, and kept seeing the best in him. I kept letting him back in because I wanted to. Now I have no feelings left for him. Even if this time is for real and he does become a totally changed man.