Too Little, Too Late, Too Soon

July 3 (the day I moved out.. and on..) I remember thinking to myself, "If I could just get moved, once I get moved a lot of this stress will be relieved, at least then I will have my own space!". Well, Here I am almost 6 weeks later and its been nothing but stress. Why? No, not why you would think.. Are finances tight? Sure  Is pregnancy hard? Sure  Is it hard to get 3 kids to daycare at 5:30 in the morning so I can get to work on time? Yes. Am I stressing about school and fall classes starting in 2 weeks? Absolutely!  

But... I could deal with ALL of the above if I could just stop dealing with MEN! I say that in the plural because now there is more than one in my life. I have royally screwed myself this time.

Lets start with man 1, the original, the one I will always love but dont think I could ever be with again. Well, I knew that when I moved out it would eventually hit him like a ton of bricks that he should never have let me go. Not only did I know, but I warned him during the prior two weeks while I was packing. I think I was hoping that he would really fight, beg, cry for me then and realize that he couldnt let me go. Well, he didnt, and when I moved out I meant business, still do. I put my emotions on hold, became an icy cold (that's his new nickname for me, "Icy cold")  bitch and moved on.

He realized about, oh, 24 hours AFTER I was gone, that he had made a huge mistake. Good timing, ass hole! So, now for the last 6 weeks he has wanted to come over as often as I would let him and try to win me over. Aint happening. I am not really sure what I am feeling because I literally feel like I took all my emotions and shoved them into some deep hole inside and I only draw out tears and emotion when I need them to relate to the kids. Its a weird thing, this new me, I just cant seem to give him the time of day or even feel bad when he is sitting in front of me crying his eyes out. I really am like ice. But, none the less, it stresses me out because I still feel bad for the poor sap and for my kids and I feel like I am the bad guy because the kids want him back, he wants us back and I just want to be alone and move on with my life.
 
On to man 2. Here's the thing, when I moved out I told W (the ex) that he should move on with his own life but that if he chose to see other people I didnt want to see or hear about it because it would be too hard. I especially pointed out that I would prefer if he not date, etc while I was pregnant. Well, he has respected my wishes so far as I can tell, although I know he is talking/flirting with some of the same old "friends" but whatever. The ironic thing is that I never in a million years thought that I would meet someone or even think about being available or open to that for years, or at least months. I am 7 months pregnant for heavens sake! Well, life doesnt work that way. I started talking to someone at work because he was an attractive, sweet, divorced man who seemed to understand me and just wanted to talk as friends.