Violation of Trust

Mr. Hyde still keeps track of me... he just thinks I don’t know about it.  This isn’t the first time my every move has been monitored.

My second husband read my emails constantly without my consent and would casually throw personal tidbits in our conversation.  I would question how he knew things and he would say “oh you told me, you’re just forgetful.”  When we started having problems and the comments became nastier, I did some digging and found out he’d have a copy of all my emails sent to him so he could dissect every detail.  

I felt violated.  He didn’t have any reason to distrust me.  We were open and discussed everything.  If he wanted to know something, all he had to do was ask.  I had nothing to hide.  He said he used the emails to ‘double check’ what I told him.  He didn’t uncover any secret plans, but it showed his complete lack of trust and respect for me.  He swore he wouldn’t do it again.  I caught him doing it twice more before I’d finally had enough.  When I asked why he continued to do it even after I asked him to stop, he said he did it because he COULD.

Figuring I could avoid this with Mr. Hyde, we shared our email passwords with each other. BIG mistake!  Having no privacy doesn’t lead to more trust, it leads to less.  Knowing how awful it felt to have my privacy violated, I rarely, if ever checked Mr. Hyde’s account.  If I wanted to know something, I’d ask.  I trusted he would tell me and the shared passwords were just a ‘safeguard’ I never felt I needed to use.

Maybe it’s a guy thing to check just ‘because you can.’  Who knows?  I didn’t run around, didn’t talk to anyone I shouldn’t and Mr. Hyde knew where I was at all times because I TOLD him.  I asked to go out with friends, I was always where I said I would be, and I had absolutely no reason to lie.  Why the distrust from my partners?  Insecurity in themselves?  I felt violated all over again.