When To Fake An Orgasm

“I’ll have what she’s having.”

If you recognize that line, you probably also fondly remember the splendid scene in “When Harry Met Sally” where Sally (Meg Ryan) illustrates to Harry (Billy Crystal) how easy it is for women to fake an orgasm.

Ok, show of hands. How many of you have ever faked an orgasm in your life? Just a second. I can see you in the back there. You’re afraid to put your hand up. Why? What’s so awful about a little extra enthusiastic show of appreciation now and then?

Have you never, ever in your life tasted someone’s mediocre home cooking and said “This IS good tasting tuna!” What about watching your nephew’s hideous clarinet recital?  Did you not say “well done!”  Of course you did!

We like to give encouragement to others. We like to be polite, and sometimes it’s better not to be 100 percent brutally honest – it does more harm than good.

I’m not advocating lying – and certainly not on an ongoing basis. But now and then, when you know someone really gave it the old college try, where’s the harm in answering back with a little “yay, team?” How much better is that than registering abject disappointment or frustration? Which response do you think is going to make either of you want to try again and again?

I think we put entirely too much emphasis on the final curtain, and not enough on the show itself! Of course, male orgasm (i.e. ejaculation) is fairly necessary if you’re trying to make a baby, but most of the time we’re not. We just want to have a good time. And I don’t think a good time should be entirely measured by whether or not you end up seeing fireworks or experiencing a seismic shift.

There are lots of physical reasons why women don’t have screaming orgasms every single time. Many women simply can’t reach orgasm through intercourse alone. Perhaps orgasm through intercourse is possible, but only in a certain position, and neither of you ended up that way on that particular evening.  Or maybe you both were simply too tuckered out to keep going. There’s only a very small percentage of women who can’t achieve orgasm through any means (orally, manually or mechanically).

If, now and then, you’re not able to achieve orgasm, don’t sweat it! Did you enjoy the ride? The intimacy and foreplay? That’s the main thing. Explosions are really only important when you need to blow something up. If you think your partner will be sad or dejected if he (or she) failed to cause your detonation, embellishing your response a bit isn’t going to hurt.

However! Lying on an ongoing basis – about ANY aspect of your relationship – is an all-around terrible idea.

If you’re able to achieve an orgasm by yourself, but not with your partner, then you need to do some work together. You’re not doing either of you any good by continually faking it. The same old thing isn’t working, and together with gentle, open communication you must work together to find the right key to unlock your vault. That is the true measure of intimacy!

On the other hand (No pun intended. Honestly.), if you’re not achieving orgasm because your partner is not interested in figuring out a way to give you one, you need a new partner. Your partner’s willingness to make some effort on behalf of your lower half is an exact mirror of his or her commitment to you in every other part of your relationship. Sex isn’t some separate part of your lives together. It is an essential part. We are minds AND bodies. To have a successful relationship, both must be fulfilled.

If your partner truly cares about you, he or she will truly care about satisfying ALL of your needs. Providing feedback and encouragement is your responsibility. It’s not fair or reasonable to expect he’s going to know what you want without you telling him. And every once in awhile, let him know how much you appreciate the effort, whether your say it in words, or carefully chosen moans.