Why I Love My Dog More Than Any Man

OK Mystery Man. In all fairness, I just couldn’t pass up the chance to fill your species in on just why women may love THEIR dog more than their SO, although if my identity is ever revealed, I will deny, deny, deny.

1. Dogs don’t wear socks.  Therefore, dogs can’t leave trails of socks all over the house wherever they decide on a whim to take them off.  It looks as if a sock meteor hit my living room on any given day.
2. Dogs crap outside.  Usually.  They don’t plug up the commode and leave it for you to discover later on after you’ve only gone #1 and don’t deserve the repercussions of an overflow. 
3. Dogs are happy with whatever dinner you give them.  A dog will never say “I don’t feel like stir-fry tonight.  Make chicken instead.” 
4. Dogs don’t watch Military Channel.  ‘Nuff said. 
5. Dogs don’t drink the last of the milk, but leave the container in the refrigerator with 2 tablespoons left just so I won’t accuse them of drinking the last of the milk.
6. If my dog could, I know for sure that he would remember to take the garbage can down Friday morning, and bring it back up on Friday afternoon.  Something in his canine eyes just tells me he would be able to handle this one and only chore. 
7. Dogs don’t have mothers who talk smack about their son’s SO whom they have never met or spoken to in two years (BTW because their son refuses to introduce them because the mother is crazy.  Apparently.)  
8. Dogs don’t whine about being a date to a friend’s wedding.  My dog would be more than happy to escort me, and would surely be social to the other guests.  Perhaps he may even ask me to dance. 
9. Dogs don’t promise to take you ring shopping of their own accord, then not go because they are underdressed and because they didn’t know that “tomorrow” actually meant THAT “tomorrow”. 
10. My dog listens.  If I give a command, he does it.  Then he is rewarded with a treat.  It’s very simple.  Command. Perform. Treat.  Say it with me now: “Command, Perform, Treat.”  The sequence for men is usually: “Ask Sweetly. Ask sweetly yet again.  Ask, yet again only not so sweetly, an hour later.  Do it your damn self.  Nag, nag, nag that you had to do it yourself.  Wake up and repeat the cycle all over again tomorrow.”