Why I'll Never EVER Marry Again

The other day I was talking to a friend of mine about her relationship. She’s having some second thoughts about her engagement, and thinking hard about what she really wants out of life.

We talked about lots of things, including our families and upbringing.  I had a small “a-ha” moment.

I’m pretty different from the rest of my family, for better or worse. But I’ve always been different – wanting to try new things and take more risks. I worked really hard throughout my life to move away from my very strong familial pull. Throwing off those old patterns and ingrained responses takes a lot of energy. It’s easier to just do things the way you’ve been taught. But I went out of my way (I suppose) to choose a different path.

Along the way, however, I still felt the responsibility to play by familial rules. I was still expected to do certain things, and act a certain way – and I dutifully did it. But whenever I was able to escape, it was a wonderful feeling of release. In fact, at one point I even left the country for 9 years!

While talking to my friend, I realized the key reason I felt content and relieved after my divorce. I was again free of “familial” obligations. I didn’t have to “do” anything because it was expected of me. I could just get on with my life.

I guess I’m a completely selfish bitch.

But having spent so many of my formative years trying to escape the familial bonds and requirements, I now realize I have no desire to go back into it.

I prefer to do things because I want to do them – not because I have to.

 I love cooking. I can spend all day cooking. I love making elaborate meals for my friends. But the minute I feel that I’m cooking every night because I “have” to – in other words, my sweetie is expecting dinner – I resent it.

When I was single again, I loved being in control of my days. When my sweetie and I first started dating, I could invite him over when I wanted to see him, and have days off on my own too -  so could he for that matter. But it was always our choice, not our obligation.

I hate feeling obligated. It feels too much like guilt. It’s the feeling I hated growing up. The obligation to do a certain thing or act a certain way because someone else wanted it. I run screaming in the opposite direction of that feeling.

Marriage requires too many obligations. I’m not interested in signing up for that again.