Why So Sad?

If he was so cruel, so mean, so negative, and put me down so many times then why am I so sad? I don't understand it. I miss him very much. At first I thought that I just missed the dream. I expected that. I expected to miss the dream, the fantasy, the idea that we would be together forever. The problem is the way I am feeling right now is not just me missing the dream. I miss him. I really really miss HIM very very much. I miss talking to him, miss him holding me, touching me, kissing me, and telling me how much he loves me.

So I thought maybe I just miss the affection. I mean doesn't everyone like having someone to come home to at night, someone to call during the day, and someone to tell them how beautiful they are. So, of course I miss these things too, but honestly it's still more than that. I don't just miss being touched overall. I miss HIS touch.

I guess part of it could be that I miss the person he used to be. I miss the way we used to be. Our relationship wasn't always yelling, fighting, and putting each other down. There was a time when we smiled, laughed, and were happy together. That time wasn't five minutes. It was six years. Six years of loving each other. Six years of joy and happiness that was ripped down to nothing in less than two years. I just don't know what happened. It's very sad. It's not what I want, but I guess it is just the way it has got to be.

I figure another reason I am so sad is because I miss the routine. Good days and bad. During the last two years Prince Charming and I did have a routine. He worked and I went to school. We both came home. I cooked dinner and we both watched a movie. He would go to bed early and I would stay up and clean. The weekends were never very exciting. We went to the movies and the mall on Saturdays. On Sundays we went to Wal-Mart to stock up for the week.