Yes, It IS You

It’s midnight, my husband is screaming at me and stomping around the house -- so much for a calm discussion.  It’s been this way since he walked out on the counseling appointment.  We are cold and everything said to each other feels like an invitation for World War 3.  He says he wants a divorce and I say "fine." 

He throws the ‘D’ word around like it’s no more important to him than picking up a gallon of milk at the store.  I’ve asked that it not be brought into every fight, but what I want doesn’t seem to matter.

Mr. Hyde is sarcastic. In fact, he’s sarcastic so often that I’m not always sure even when he swears he’s being sincere.  He finally said “It’s me. It’s all my fault.”  Believe me, he was NOT being sincere -- he was just saying it to shut me up and end the argument so he could fall into blissful, unconscious, guilt-free sleep.

 I wanted to scream “Yes, it IS you,” you are the one who degrades and humiliates me, who complains that I don’t respect you or treat you right.  Yes, we have problems, but what compromises are you willing to make?  What have you done to fix the problem?  I mean, other than sitting around complaining about it and calling me names?  

Everytime I see him doing laundry, or cleaning the yard, or mowing I make a point to say "hey, thanks for doing that. I really appreciate it.”  That’s how I want to be treated, so that’s the way I treat him, hoping I’ll get the same nice comments when he sees me doing things around the house. 

It doesn’t happen though. He just expects it to be done. There is no appreciation for it.  I plan the weekly menu and do grocery shopping. I cook meals. I walk & feed the dog. I run around doing things for/with the kids. I go to every event I can for his kids despite having to sit with his bitchy ex who turns her back to me and pretends I don’t exist.  I send him thoughtful emails asking how he’s doing, wanting to talk to him and he’s too wrapped up in his own thoughts, mind or problems to even acknowledge my existence half the time.