Your Money or Your Life?

Recently, I got an email from a woman who had all the right “stuff” in her marriage, but after many years in this union was deeply unhappy, to the point of despair. How could this be? With all this stuff, there must be love there somewhere (just as the young boy said when confronted with a pile of manure, “There must be a pony in here.”) She and her husband had a nice home, cars, income.

But the key is none of these things had anything to do with love. They’re just things.

It often seems we want to get into relationships for love, but end up staying because of “stuff.”  Stuff is how we measure our success. Stuff is how others judge us. We get so attached to our stuff, we are willing to put up with misery and pain. We are willing to trade our happiness just to hold on to the stuff.  In fact, we’re paying for it with our lives.

Are you really willing to trade your soul for a duplex?

Look, I know it’s not that simple. I know (from experience) when you’re entwined financially in a relationship it’s very hard to unravel. It’s taken you years to set up the household, the routine, the utilities.  But is the tv and stereo really more valuable than the fulfillment of your own life? Do you really want to make a dining room set the battleground for your frustration?

I know starting all over again is expensive and time consuming. I’ve been there. I had some really cool stuff, and now I don’t anymore. But now I have other stuff. And most importantly, I have my happiness and peace of mind.

After I left the 3 bedroom house, filled with designer Italian furniture and a stereo the price of a small car, and moved into a little apartment with a futon and cushions on the floor, I couldn’t have been happier. I did a little dance. I had less of everything, except contentment.

And that was worth everything to me.

If you stay in a relationship because you’re afraid of losing the “stuff,” you’re making a very bad trade.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 4,978,543 times (or thereabouts), everything in life is a trade-off. Stay in an unhappy relationship because of the stuff, and you’ll have things, but no happiness. Leave the relationship and the stuff for happiness, and accept you might have an uphill slog to get everything back. The decision is yours. The life is yours.

There is ALWAYS an alternative, always a choice you can make. Of course we’d like it  to be  easy and painless, but it probably won’t be. There is generally always a cost associated with change, one way or another. But what is that compared to the cost of a life stuck in the molasses of misery?

I just think life is too short to spend unhappy.  How productive can you be, how much love can you give to your friends or children if you’re miserable yourself?

As far as I know, we only get one go-round on this planet. Don’t waste another day. Show the world what stuff you’re made of.